Tommy Max: My wife is going to have a baby.
Walt Price: Oh, good, let's bring more people into this overcrowded world.
Joseph Turner White: Ever wonder why the Dalmatian's the symbol of the firehouse?
Ann Black: First organized fire department was on the border of Dalmatia and Sardinia in the year 642.
Joseph Turner White: That's why the Dalmatian?
Ann Black: It was either that, or a sardine.
Walt Price: How are we coming with the dead horse scene?
Marty Rossen: You can't actually kill the horse.
Walt Price: Aw, fuck me.
Ann Black: "If you were never down, how would you know when you were up?"
Joe White: You have a gift for words.
Ann Black: It's in your play.
Doc Wilson: It's the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravat's supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why'd you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?
Joseph Turner White: You believe that?
Ann Black: I do if you do.
Joseph Turner White: But it's absurd.
Ann Black: So is our electoral process. But we still vote.
Decorator: Do you want to see the firemen's costumes? Because I found this mole skin for the color.
Production Assistant: Marty Rossen has touched down.
Walt Price: Okay.
Decorator: It's not black but it looks black. It's not brown.
Walt Price: Yep, it's faggy without being homosexual.
Tommy Max: I'm very sorry, I.
Walt Price: You're very sorry, you passive-aggressive, son-of-a-bitch... Can we replace him?
Bill Smith: We start shooting in three days.
Ann Black: And here's some hydrogen peroxide.
Joseph Turner White: I don't drink.
Ann Black: It's for your finger.
Joseph Turner White: What's an associate producer credit?
Bill Smith: It's what you give to your secretary instead of a raise.
Walt Price: Would you like a cigar?
Mayor George Bailey: Aren't these illegal?
Walt Price: Why would they be illegal?
Mayor George Bailey: Well, the trade embargo with Cuba.
Walt Price: Nobody tells me anything.
Bob Barrenger: Only second chance I know, is the chance to make the same mistake twice.
Walt Price: Who designed these costumes? It looks like Edith Head puked, and that puke designed these costumes.
