What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

Jackie: You were a virgin when we were seeing each other.
Nick: Yeah, I was twelve.

Vladislav: Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet.
Viago: What are you bidding on?
Vladislav: I am bidding on a table.

Stu: I work for a company that... basically we take like business requirements from organizations, then we analyze those requirements and then we build software to fit those requirements.
Pauline Ivanovich, The Beast: He is a virgin. He is a virgin.

Jackie: I love you.
Terry, Jackie's husband: I love you too.
Jackie: Great. But I am your master.

Vladislav: You will not eat Stu and you will not eat the camera guy.
Vladislav: Maybe one camera guy.

Viago: Some people freak out a bit about the age difference. They think, "what's this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy four times her age?" And, you know, I don't care.
Katherine: It doesn't make any difference.
Viago: No. They can call me cradle snatcher, who cares?

Viago: I went in the lounge the other day and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.
Vladislav: Which one? The red one?
Viago: Well it's red now, yeah.

Deacon: When you are a vampire you become very... sexy.

Vladislav: He was an 18th century dandy, so he can be very fussy.

Vladislav: What are you doing tonight? Are you going to kill some perverts?
Child Vampire: Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile.
Vladislav: Cool.

Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no-one had fucked it.

Vladislav: We should get some slaves.

Deacon: Wait, let's kill them.
Vladislav: Well let's just see what other safety points they have... and then maybe we'll kill them.

Viago: I really hope that those guys don't kill those police, because it will mean more police will come. Possibly even Christians, which is totally the last thing we need in this house.

Pauline Ivanovich, The Beast: You a demon?
Viago: No, he's not a demon.
Stu: I'm a software analyst.