Angus: What about this? What about this situation right here? Can't fuck your way out of this one, can you Mark?
Blanche Gunderson: And that's okay? It's okay to pull the rug out from under folks as long as it's nobody that you know? It's okay because we're just silly podunk Minnesotans, right? We talk funny and we ice-fish and we scrapbook and we drag Jesus into regular conversation. We're not cool like you, right? So we don't matter.
Clerk: [slides card.] Declined.
Rebecca Bloomwood: Can you try again?
Clerk: [slides it again.] Really declined.
Irv: I'm not a god. That's just a rumor my mother started.
Beckett: Babies like to breathe, and they're good at hiding it. I put a pillow over a baby. I thought she wasn't breathing, but she was. She was sneaky, but I'll try again.
Hua Mulan: I don't want to fight any more. I don't want to be a General. I want to be a normal person.
Wentai: Who wants to fight? I also don't want to fight any more! If I could use my life to stop this battle, I would have done it a long time ago! The problem is, we cannot choose. Once you put on a General's armour, your life is no longer your own.
Abby Richter: My cat stepped on the remote.
Mike: Well, be sure to thank your pussy for me.
Louise: A relationship ending is like a death just two people know about. A whole life gets lost, everything we did together. All the places we traveled, the fights, the small moments of tenderness.
Seth Rogen: Your love glass is half full.
David Santiago: What you do with your life is, really just one half of the equation. The other half, the more important half, really is, who you're with when you're doing it.
Sam Shapiro: Writers are vampires. I'm waiting for the right girl to come along and make me a human being.
Nick Twisp and Francois Dillinger: I'm gonna wrap your legs around my head and wear you like the crown that you are.
Nick Twisp and Francois Dillinger: If that's OK with you.
Tommy Frigo: Don't get all drunk and fall asleep.
James Brennan: Why?
Tommy Frigo: 'Cause i'll jack off on your face.
Luisa Contini: Thank you.
Guido Contini: What for?
Luisa Contini: Thank you for reminding me I'm not special. You don't even see what you do to me. Even the moments I think are ours, it's just... you working to get what you want.
Viraj Shergill: During surgery, I want to go back to Punjab, Take me to Punjab, I want my mother, I want my lawyer, he works in a laundry.
Viraj Shergill: About to be operated on, Are you making a hole to dubai.
Emma Wheeler: Here you go. Sunny-side eggs, sausage with bacon, home fries, homemade biscuits and country gravy. Can I get you anything else?
Paul Morgan: No, thanks. Just an angiogram.
Captain Tony Stone: You gotta wake the fuck up! You're not in high school, you're not in a fuckin' rock band, you're in the Army.
Staff Sergeant Will Montgomery: Yeah, I know. I know I'm in the Army. I gave blood to the Army. I got blown up in a fire-fight that lasted longer than your entire war. I didn't sunbath in Kuwait with the rest of the POGs.