Billy Covington: I don't wanna crash twice in one day.
Gene Ryack: Don't worry, I crash better that anyone I know.
Mason Storm: So, how come you're not watching the Oscars tonight?
Counterman: The Oscars?
Mason Storm: Yeah, the Oscars.
Counterman: I hate the Oscars.
Mason Storm: You're not having a good time, huh?
Counterman: I mean, who needs the goddamn movies anyway? I got a show in here every single night.
Mason Storm: Yeah?
Counterman: You've got horror, sex, freaks, violence. I don't got to pay no four bucks either.
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Strom: What made you think that a dumb Polack like you could outsmart someone like me?
Nick Pulovski: Well, it's just that the arrogant fuckin' Kraut like you was in the firing line.
Pilot: Lieutenant, you guys are incredible. Thank you.
Curran: There's no reason to thank us because we don't exist. You never saw us. This never happened.
Hawkins: One more thing: you're welcome.
Colonel Scot McCoy: My turn to teach.
Turkell: It must be visiting hours, 'cause my friend is back.
Cody: I'm going in there to waste some teachers - are you with me?
Justin: Don't you ever run away from me.
Bob the Turk: I warn you, do not make me do something that I would not do, unless someone made me do it because they didn't do something someone told them to do.
Gus Cardinale: Don't worry Bob, I would never do something to make someone do something to someone, because that someone didn't do something that someone wanted them to do.
Bob the Turk: I'm glad we understand each other.
Gus Cardinale: ...Me too.
Rick Jarmin: I haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years.
Marianne Graves: Really?
Rick: Yeah - Mr. Wiggly's been on bread and water for 5 years.
Huey Walker: You know, Buckner, if it hadn't've been for you, I'd be in a warm cell right now.
John Buckner: Yeah, being beaten by a nice, warm, rubber hose.
Red Skull: Assassination isn't worth the trouble. It took me two years to find Sirhan. Three to find Oswald. The King job alone cost me over twenty million dollars. What do we get for our pains? Saints. Martyrs to the cause.
Brad Little: Mr. Preston, this operation will be a failure if we all die.
Detective John Kimble: Just don't throw up on me.
Phoebe O'Hara: Nah, it's OK, I'm not gonna throw up on you. But I am gonna kiss you.
Napoleon Stone: You are dancing around with a cheeseburger.
Konefke: Dear sir, I never thought this would happen to me, but I was working the late shift and this big titties mama comes up to me.
Nicholas: This guy's lying - he's a train robber.
Caulfield: What would I want with a train?