Wadsworth: You see. It's just like the Mounties. We always get our man.
Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?!
Lt. Mauser: At this point in time, yours truly was the object of a malicious prank. Now, can anybody in here tell me how this happened? [holds up his hands to show his palms covered in hair.].
Officer Mahoney: I can, sir. And if you don't stop that, you could go blind.
Harold Smith: Guard, protect and cherish your land, for there is no afterlife for a place that started out as Heaven. Charles M. Russell, Montana, 1926.
Sam Ransom: Is that your head speaking, or another part of your anatomy?
Eric 'Rick' Masters: You broke your contract with me Jeff. Now, I don't know whether you're into it but you're gonna have to suck on this until you give me back my paper.
Charley Partanna: Do I ice her? Do I marry her?
Gail Stanwyk: I'm very flattered, but I'm also very married. You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?
Fletch: How did you guess? I'm such a heel. I don't know what came over me.
Gail Stanwyk: If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies who tried to pick me up, I'd be a rich woman.
Fletch: You are a rich woman.
Gail Stanwyk: See what I mean?
Richard Shriker: I can't do anything. I'm a cop.
Clark Griswold: There's Buckingham Palace, kids. That's where the Queen lives and works.
Audrey Griswold: Works? What does she do, Dad?
Clark Griswold: She queens... and vacuums.
Inspector Japp: Poirot, please, before I grow old, retire, and move to Brighton, who is it?
Liza Chamberlain: Cody, do you cook?
Cody Abilene: Not much.
Liza Chamberlain: Well, what do you usually make for dinner?
Cody Abilene: Reservations.