Jack: Wendy, darling, light of my life, I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya, I'm just gonna bash your brains in. Gonna bash 'em right the f*ck in!
Crazy Ralph: You're doomed! You're all doomed.
Pool Attendant: They kept it all incognito. They're gonna collect the body in an ice cream van.
Harold: There's a lot of dignity in that, isn't there? Going out like a raspberry ripple.
Dr. Hans Zarkov: We are only interested in friendship. Why do you attack us?
The Emperor Ming: Why not? Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you would've hidden from it in terror.
John Russell: It's my understanding... that there are, uh... twenty-three students registered... for this series of lectures on advanced musical form. Now, we all know it's not raining outside, and unless there's a fire in some other part of the building that we don't know about, there's an awful lot of people here with nothing better to do.
Eli Cross: It's not what he's eating, but what's eating him that makes it... sort of interesting.
Elizabeth Solley: Listen, I never hitchhiked before. I just really want to be careful. Can I ask you something?
Nick Castle: Sure.
Elizabeth Solley: Are you weird?
Nick Castle: Yes, I am. Yes, I am weird.
Elizabeth Solley: You are weird. Thank God you're weird. The last one was so normal, it was disgusting.
Benson: Now tell me. Can you talk? Or are you malfunctioning?
Hector: I AM not malfunctioning - you ARE.
Eddie Jessup: I can't live with it Emily, the pain is unbearable.
Emily Jessup: We all live with it. That unbearable terror is what makes us such singular creatures. We hide from it, we succumb to it, mostly we defy it! We build fragile little structures to keep it out. We love, we raise families, we work, we make friends. We write poems.
Liz Blake: Thank god, straight fucks are still in style.
Michelle Stratton: How many languages do you speak?
Julian Kaye: Five or six.
Michelle Stratton: Plus the, uh, international language?
Julian Kaye: That's right.
Carne: Have you ever shoveled any coal?
Lola Brewster: I could eat a can of Kodak and puke a better movie.
Harry "Santa": But now I want you to remember to stay good boys and girls. Respect your mothers and fathers and do what they tell you. Obey your teachers and learn a whooooole lot! Now if you do this, I'll make sure you get good presents from me eeeevery year. Ha ha ha... but if you're bad boys and girls, your name goes in the 'Bad Boys and Girls' book, and I'll bring you something... horrible.
Guy in elevator: What is this... fucking SHIT going on here?