Running Buffalo: Swell party, where's the whisky?
J. Algernon Hawthorne: Jolly nasty accident there. Jolly lucky nobody was hurt.
Mrs. Marcus: Where did you get that funny accent? Are you from Harvard or something?
J. Algernon Hawthorne: Harvard? Rather not. I'm English.
Mrs. Marcus: Sounds so foreign.
J. Algernon Hawthorne: Really?
Gardiner Fraleigh: Call your baby! My wife's having a husband.
[Sir Charles Lytton kisses Princess Dala.]
Princess Dala: If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.
Sir Charles Lytton: No. If you were your father, I doubt very much if I would have kissed you.
Michael Patrick 'Guns' Donovan: Aw, Monk, you're not gonna let three guys take on one - even if it is Gilhooley.
Sergeant Monk Menkowicz: I seen it done.
Harry McAfee: The next time I have a daughter, I hope it's a boy.
Homer Smith: Gringo? I don't know if that's a step up or a step down from some other things I've been called.
Irma La Douce: Who wants to be a stray dog? You got to belong to someone, even if he kicks you once in a while.
Lory Filch: You're a fine one, Vickers Cavendish. Wasting your time reading when you should be thinking up some scheme to defraud.
Professor Julius Kelp: Well, just don't do something, sit there.
Dr. Craven: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, / Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore. / While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, / As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door./ "'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door. / Only this and nothing more."
Terry 'Pintpot' Tankard: Are you the boss or something?
Ted Watson: I'm what they call the something manager. My advice to you is to be off.
Terry 'Pintpot' Tankard: You mean buzz off?
Ted Watson: No, but you're getting warm.
Albert Poop-Decker: If you've got a heart of oak, it's got a worm in it.
Big Daddy: The pit! Bring me my pendulum, kiddies, I feel like swinging.