Danny Kaye: My friend, when what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting whatever it is you've got left.
Mr. Lundie: Two hundred years ago, the highlands of Scotland were plagued with witches, wicked sorcerers that were taking the Scottish people away from the teachings of God and putting the Devil into their souls. They were indeed horrible destructive women. I dinna suppose you have such women in your country?
Tommy Albright: Witches?
Jeff Douglas: Oh we have 'em. We pronounce it differently.
Sabrina Fairchild: Goodnight, Mr. Larrabee. I'm sorry I can't stay to do the dishes.
Lt. Harry Brubaker: I'm a lawyer from Denver, Colorado.
Mike Forney: Judas, how'd you wind up in a smelly ditch in Korea?
Lt. Harry Brubaker: I was just asking myself that same question.
Lisa: Where does a man get inspiration to write a song like that?
Jeff: He gets it from the landlady once a month.
Rev. Elcott: Sounds like Pansy has the croup.
May Wynn: I didn't mean to ruin your evening, I just bruise easily.
Taza: It takes an Apache to watch an Apache.
Albert Prosser: Ah, shall we get to business, sir?
Henry Hobson: Young man, don't abuse a noble word.
Terry Malloy: I coulda been a contender! I coulda been a somebody!
Simon The Magician: A true miracle is nothing but a good trick.