[Blackadder puts the phone down.]
Baldrick: Who was that?
Blackadder: Strangely enough Baldrick, that was his Holiness Pope Gregory IX, inviting me to join him for drinks aboard his steam yacht, the Saucy Sue, currently wintering in Montego Bay, with the England cricket team, and the Balinese Goddes of Plenty.
Baldrick: Really?
Blackadder: No, not really. I've been ordered to HQ - no doubt means that idiot General Melchett is about to offer me an attractive new opportunity to have my brains blown out for Britain.
Kunta Kinti: What's snow, Fiddler?
Fiddler: Never you mind, boy, never you mind. Let's get on back to home. I got enough trouble teaching you the difference between manure and massa. 'Course there ain't all that much difference when you gets right down to it.
Claudius: A man should keep faith with his friends, even when they're dead.
Titus Pullo: It's as hot as Vulcan's dick.
Guarnere: Jesus Christ, we gotta do all this with a C.O. who has his head so far up his fuckin' ass, that lump in his throat is his goddamn nose.
Abraham Lincoln: It's well known that the more a man speaks, the less he's understood.
Caesar: Are you trying to seduce me?
Cleopatra: I don't try! I seduce... or I don't.
Cornelius Flavius Silva: A victory? What have we won? We've won a rock in the middle of a wasteland, on the shores of a poisoned sea.
Helga: What about the good news?
Herr Flick: The good news is there is no more bad news.
Flavius Aetius: Let's make a bargain here and now, a treaty of peace between your people and mine.
Attila the Hun: I think that's the first sign of weakness I've seen you show.
Queen Katherine: He will tire of you, like all the others.
Anne Boleyn: And what if he does not?
Capt. Ronald Merrick: Are you one of those people who think that if you teach an Indian the rules of cricket he'll become an English gentleman?
Guy Perron: Hardly sir. I know quite a few English gentlemen who play cricket brilliantly but are absolute shits.
Vasco Rodrigues: Listen to me, you whore-gutted, pock-marked, motherless scum... I need a favor.
Switcheroo - S1-E5
Ruggiero: Leonardo never would have married you. What idiot gall of you to claim his hand. Though I do see why all you crave is love. But you've never gotten it, and you'll never get it. Not because you're not pretty. Well, not just because you're not pretty. But because you're a pathetic, self-centered prude. Look at how everyone in the villa despises you. And I'm sure much was the same in Firenze. Every man that met you saw instantly what a slim-hipped, clenching little shrew you are and ran. So in answer to your... proposal, I would rather fuck a thornbush than fuck your dry, desperate body. I'd rather rot in this room until the plague takes us all than get one inch closer to you. My answer is no. You've got your answer. Now leave. I'm too sick of your drooping face to argue the point further.