Stifler: Jim. Can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away.
Hedwig: How did some slip of a girly boy from communist East Berlin become the internationally ignored song stylist barely standing before you?
The Lizard: I want McElroy kept alive.
Dakota: I don't do alive, I do dead.
Carl: Weee. Llamas, llamas, llamas.
Jerry: I don't know what it takes! I'm new in the fuck you business.
Wayne: So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
Coach Norton: Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining.
J.D.: God! What is their problem?
Mugatu: Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.
Slim: What are you, some kind of Astronaut?
Jimmy: No, I'm some kind of bubble boy.
Matt: Would you like a falafel with that?
Frank: That Zerelda turned into a hell of a woman, eh?
Jesse James: Oh yeah.
Frank: "Big and older"?
Jesse James: You can shut up now, Frank.
Frank: You are a charmer.
Jesse James: I swear to god I will shoot you in your sleep.
Frank: Next time try "Fat and haggard".
Sara: Nelson do you want to be my November.
Nelson: Yes.
Kakihara: Listen, when you're giving pain to someone, don't think about the pain that person is feeling. Just concentrate on how good it feels to be causing someone pain. That's the best thing you can do for a true masochist.
Commentator 1: I think he might be ambidextrous
Commentator 2: I don't know about that Bob, but he can definitely play with both feet.
Mike: Alright, Smallsy? Eh, you've got the best part of the dressing room, there - that's Charlton's lucky peg, that is.
Smallsy: Hey, hear that lads? I've got Bobby Charlton's lucky peg.
Mike: No - Jackie's.
Max: I'll see you, uh, bassoon.
Principal Prickly: I never saw Philliam again. He quit teaching, went into politics, eventually became Secretary of Education, until the president fired him for trying to get rid of recess again. Only this time it was nationwide.
Carter: Now gimme a hundred-thousand in chips, and a diet pepsi and some hot wings!
C.W.: I hate her just like I hate that German Chancellor with the moustache.