Best TV quotes of all time

Egon Spengler: Notice the vacant stare, the completely mindless look. That could only mean one thing.
Winston Zeddemore (I): She's from California?
Egon Spengler: No. She's been hypnotized.

TV Kiddie Show Host: Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize.
Oliver Douglas: No, you don't understand, Arnold is a real PIG.
TV Kiddie Show Host: I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself.

Lt. Arthur Fancy: The future keeps telling us what the past was about. You make the past mean different things by the way you use the time that comes after.

Niles: You know, the next time you give your clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?

The Antique - S5-E12

Hogan: Would you want me to strip, Schultz? I may be carrying a Luger in my shorts!
Schultz: Jolly joker.

Movie Nut

The Hostile Hospital: Part One - S2-E7

Violet Baudelaire: Why do you hate us so much?
Count Olaf: Because it's fun.

Rob Petrie: I want to take a nap before I go to sleep.

Dr. Meredith Grey: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.

The Most Wonderfullest Picnic in the Whole Wide World - S1-E12

Lola: Fun, fun, funny and sun, sun, sunny.
Lotta: Yum, yum, yummy in my tum, tum, tummy.

heartis

Columbo: Oh, I didn't come to ask any more questions. I came to arrest you.

Florida: Did you here yourself James, you said "ain't" 3 times in a row.
James: So.
Florida: "Ain't" is not a word.
James: OH yeah... its in the dictionary.
Florida: No "aint" ain't, but isn't is... look it up.
James: I cant.
Florida: Why?
James: "aint" got no dictionary.

Season 2 generally

Discord: 'What fun is there in making sense?"

Kunta Kinti: What's snow, Fiddler?
Fiddler: Never you mind, boy, never you mind. Let's get on back to home. I got enough trouble teaching you the difference between manure and massa. 'Course there ain't all that much difference when you gets right down to it.

Day 6: 6:00 AM - 7:00 AM - S6-E1

Jack Bauer: Do you understand the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing? The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn't want to die for nothing. Today, I can die for something.

Dominic Santini: Why can't we hover like regular helicopter people?

Alf Stewart: He's as crooked as a dog's hind leg.

Darrin Stephens: Sam, don't expect your mother to be gracious. She doesn't do imitations.

Parade - S2-E4

Eddie: So, er, what did you do then?
Falklands War Vet: Well, I'd rather not talk about it.
Eddie: Why? Is it embarrassing? Shit your pants, did you? Cry, did you?
Falklands War Vet: Quite the opposite, actually.
Eddie: What, you sucked water in through your eyes?

1337: Well... I'm one heck of a mama myself.

Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.