Best TV quotes of all time

Stanley Roper: I want my rent.
Helen Roper: Stanley, where are your manners? You're supposed to say hello when you walk into a room.
Stanley Roper: Hello, I want my rent.

TV Kiddie Show Host: Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize.
Oliver Douglas: No, you don't understand, Arnold is a real PIG.
TV Kiddie Show Host: I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself.

Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.

Linda: What do you have against the New York City Marathon?
Dr. John Becker: The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.

The Antique - S5-E12

Hogan: Would you want me to strip, Schultz? I may be carrying a Luger in my shorts!
Schultz: Jolly joker.

Movie Nut

The Hostile Hospital: Part One - S2-E7

Violet Baudelaire: Why do you hate us so much?
Count Olaf: Because it's fun.

Rob Petrie: I want to take a nap before I go to sleep.

Dr. Meredith Grey: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.

The Most Wonderfullest Picnic in the Whole Wide World - S1-E12

Lola: Fun, fun, funny and sun, sun, sunny.
Lotta: Yum, yum, yummy in my tum, tum, tummy.

heartis

Columbo: Oh, I didn't come to ask any more questions. I came to arrest you.

Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Got B.O.? Get DEO.

Pilot - S1-E1

Georgie: Admit it, he's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
Missy: I wish I was adopted.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Cubs Fan ★

Haven Is for Real - S3-E5

[Watching a dreadful performance by James Dean.]
Josh: I gotta get some air.
Abraham Lincoln: I don't blame you. This is the worst theater experience I've ever had.

Jon Sandys ★

Season 2 generally

Discord: 'What fun is there in making sense?"

Iron Forged in Fire: Part One - S1-E1

Math Professor: What you’re looking at here is widely thought to be the hardest math equation in the world, and has yet to be solved. What we are doing today is far less difficult, and...
Tony Stark: Sir? 42.

Quantom X ★

Dexter: I am a father, a son, a serial killer.

Friends - S2-E20

MacGyver: For the past seven years I have done nothing but travel around the world getting shot up, locked up, blown up...and all I have to show for it are a couple of empty rolls of duct tape.

New Will City - S3-E1

Grace: My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.

Darrin Stephens: Sam, don't expect your mother to be gracious. She doesn't do imitations.

Pilot - S1-E1

Mandy: Will you go pick up Travis, please?
Mike: You can pick him up.
Mandy: Really?
Mike: Yeah, if you can just figure out how to change a tire.
[Mandy starts to leave.]
Mike: So sad.
Mandy: I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
Mike: I don't know who that is, but he sounds like a very caring father.

Bowling255 ★