Lars Lindstrom: I was hoping winter was over.
Margo: No, it's just a thaw - winter isn't over till Easter.
Annabelle Fritton: Daddy, you can't expect me to stay here, it's like Hogwarts for Pikeys!
Bruce Campbell: You don't know fear, kid. You've never worked with Sam Raimi.
Cam Wexler: Shit! Shit shit shit... pardon my French.
Charlie: I speak a little French and that sounded like "shit."
Sandra: Tea can do many things, Jane, but it can't bring back the dead.
Dudley Frank: What'd you do, Woody?
Woody Stevens: I cut the gas lines of their bikes, and then I maybe blew up their bar.
Trina: I'm sure she's fine.
Angela: Trick, was anybody talking to you?
Trina: Trick?
Angela: Yes, trick. As in slut, whore, tramp. You don't know your name?
Feng: Ladies and Gentlemen. Athletes. I bid you Toodles.
Dean Solomon: So... you're a janitor?
James: That's right. I'm a black man so I must be a janitor. Motherfucking racist-ass stereotyper.
Dean Solomon: It's just, you're... wearing a janitor's outfit.
James: Oh. So a black man can't just go in a thrift shop and buy a janitor's outfit 'cause he find it comfortable on his nuts.
Dean Solomon: No, he can. Especially a black man.
John Solomon: What do you do?
James: I'm a janitor.
Sadie: Where do babies come from?
Debbie: Where do you think they come from?
Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
Debbie: That's exactly right.
Dan Burns: I don't want to go out with the pig... face.
Billy: Let's carve a scary face this time.
L. C. Cheever: You got it backwards kid. You play cards the way you should lead your life. And you lead your life the way you should play cards.
Alvin: I feel like P. Diddy with fur.
Oglethorpe: Everybody, make out and kiss hard! like you mean IT.
Turner Claymore: Here at Berm-Tech we offer you a handshake, whether you have hands, hooks, or flippers.
Dennis: I can lose weight, but you'll always be an asshole!
John Farley: You have a father?
Mr. Woodcock: Of course I have a father, Farley, I'm not Jesus.
Hertz: Come on, Smith, come on, guns don't kill people - but they sure help.