Romy White: Why am I the only one who sees how great I am?
Cousin Bo: I wanna buzz your butt.
Charlie Arglist: It's Christmas, Dennis. It's God's birthday.
Nick Naylor: The message Hollywood needs to send out is 'Smoking Is Cool!'.
Harry Beardsley: Oh my God, who's killing a goat?
Marienne Hotchkiss: Dance is a very powerful drug Mr. Keane. If embraced judiciously, it can exorcise demons, access deep seated emotions and color your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta that you never knew existed. But, one must shoulder its challenges with intrepid countenance if one is ever to reap its rewards.
Kim: This is what happens when a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon reproduce.
Alexandra 'Nightingale' Morgan: If we're lucky, the zombie plague will end up as a footnote in the history books. No worse than aids or bubonic plague.
Jeffrey: She could probably move her pussy muscles just the right way so you blow your load in like seconds.
Narrator: When you're a gay man, you have to feel good about yourself when a urologist says, 'Yeah. I pick you.'.
Pepe the Prawn: Those of you who have Dark Side of the Moon, press play now.
Crystal Falls: You really don't care what people think, do you?
Dean Stiffle: No, I really don't.
Crystal Falls: That's a nice trick.
Dean Stiffle: Thanks, I studied in the far east.
Crystal Falls: Maybe you can show me how it's done?
Dean Stiffle: Step one? Years of ridicule.
Rebecca: The hardest love to learn is that which is dark, the kind that causes the most pain. It is up to the soul to look past that dirty love and regain the beauty that illuminated so bright before... pure love.
Rose Feller: Was I unfriendly?
Simon Stein: No. Not compared to, say, Stalin.
Evil: Because when you point a finger at somebody else, you're pointing three at yourself and a thumb at the sky.
Special Agent Derrick Vann: I'm gonna check the front of my car. If it smells like ass, I'm gonna beat you like a runaway slave.
Sir Nicholas: What queer finery he wears.
Geoff Tipps: I'm not queer, don't bum me.