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Officer Alara Kitan: Captain, there's a message coming in from Admiral Halsey. It says that an executive officer has become available and can rendezvous with the Orville at station 794.
Captain Ed Mercer: That's great. That's barely out of our way. Who is it?
Officer Kitan: He wants me to forward it to you privately.
Captain Mercer: Alright, send it to my station. [Reads message.] No. No, no, no, no.
Lieutenant Gordon Malloy: What's the matter?
Captain Mercer: [Running out of room] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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Clark Griswold: [reciting 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.] When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and...and Eddie with a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrist and ankles. What the...?

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Ellen Griswold: What are you looking at?
Clark Griswold: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean, cool chill of the holiday air. An asshole, in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

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Clark Griswold: What are you doing up, sweetheart?
Ruby Sue Johnson: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.

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Mr. Shirley: Don't forget that report, Bill.
Clark Griswold: Yes, sir. Thank you, Merry Christmas. [To the executives with Mr. Shirley as they pass by.] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

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Jane Spencer: Oh, Frank, we're no good together. All you ever lived for was your police work.
Frank Drebin: And you're always busy trying to save the end zone layer.
Jane Spencer: Ozone layer.

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Frank Drebin: [internal monologue] I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just like I remembered her. Her delicately beautiful face, and a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seem to say "hey, look at these." She was the kind of woman that made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man. Yeah, she reminded me of my mother all right, no doubt about it.
Captain Hocken: Frank, snap out of it. You're looking at her like she was your mother, for Christ's sakes.

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Ultron: You think you're saving anyone? I turn that key and drop this rock a little early and it's still billions dead. Even you can't stop that.
Thor: I am Thor, son of Odin, and long as there is life in my breast...I am running out of things to say. Are you ready?
[Vision sucker punches Ultron with Thor's hammer.]
Vision: It's terribly well-balanced.
Thor: Well, if there's too much weight, you lose power on the swing.

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Peter Highman: I am leaving you here for a far more fundamental reason. I despise who you are at a cellular level.
Ethan Tremblay: Okay. I've heard that before, and I'm trying to work on it, okay?

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11:59 - S5-E23

Shannon O'Donnel: 5:00am, December 27th, 2000. I'm in the great state of...Indiana, I think. I saw the world's largest ball of string this morning and the world's largest beefsteak tomato this afternoon. It was the size of a Volkswagen. The string, not the tomato.

Bishop73

Something Ricked This Way Comes - S1-E9

Rick: Cute, your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick, I, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know.
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I, I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Rick: This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Jerry: With all due respect, Rick. What am I talking about? What respect is due? How is my son suppose to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for a high-concept sci-fi rigmarole?
Rick: Listen, Jerry, I, I, I don't wanna overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar. But I'll tell you something, I tell you how, how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time. A bunch of people running around, bumping into each other. Guy, guy up front says two plus two, the people in the back say four. Then, then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something. It's, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue.

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No Ordinary Animal - S1-E18

J.J.: So far this guy's only attacked supers. So he must have known somehow that Katie has powers.
Katie: How? I didn't even know I had powers. And also, how the hell do I have powers?

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Michael Drucker: I'm just taking over where God left off.
Clone Adam: If you really believe that, then you should clone yourself, while you're still alive.
Michael Drucker: And why is that? So I can understand your unique perspective?
Clone Adam: No. So you can go fuck yourself.

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Adam Gibson: Try to stay dead this time.

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Adam Gibson: I might be back.
RePet Salesman: You'll be back.

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The Chinese Woman - S6-E4

Jerry: Well, it looks like you've adjusted to the boxers.
Kramer: Well, I wouldn't go as far as that.
Jerry: You went back to the Jockeys?
Kramer: Wrong again.
Jerry: Oh no...
Elaine: What? What?
Jerry: Don't you see what's going on here? No boxers, no Jockeys.
Elaine: [move back away from Kramer.] Ohhh.
Jerry: The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine. Kramer, say it isn't so.
Kramer: Oh, it be so. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it.

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The Implant - S4-E19

Timmy: What are you doing?
George: What?
Timmy: Did...did you just double-dip that chip?
George: Excuse me?
Timmy: You double-dipped the chip.
George: Double-dipped? What are you talking about?
Timmy: You dipped the chip, you took a bite...and you dipped again.
George: So?
Timmy: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it.

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The Pitch - S4-E3

Jerry: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long-distance service?
Jerry: Oh, gee. I...I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?
Telemarketer: Uh...well, I'm sorry. We're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Telemarketer: No.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.

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