Guardsman: Hey, you! Move that cab out of here, right now.
Vinny: Up yours, Gomer. I'm waiting on a fare.
Job: Don't worry, Mister. You'll be safe here. Isaac and Malachai don't know about this place.
Burt Robeson: Enough! Who are Isaac and Malachai?
Job: Isaac started the whole thing. He's a boy preacher who came to this town three years ago. At nine-years-old back then, he had a charming way that appealed to all the kids and teens like us to follow him with his own teachings of the bible and of the Old Testiment. But me and Sarah thought he was just plain weird.
Vladimir Ivanoff: That be two big Macs, one quarter pounder with cheese, six pieces chicken McNuggets, two boxes Ronald McDonald cookies, one order McFries, two chocolate McShakes. Meh that to go?
Woman in McDonalds: No, I eat it here.
Vladimir Ivanoff: Come back McSoon.
Larry Hubbard: What'd you have for lunch?
Warren Evans: Toast.
Larry Hubbard: White?
Warren Evans: Rye.
Larry Hubbard: Good?
Warren Evans: Yeah.
Larry Hubbard: Sounds good.
Stan Gable: Times are changing, Betty. These nerds are a threat to our way of life.
Betty Childs: If they win the Homecoming Carnival, they'll be able to take over the Greek Council.
Stan Gable: Yeah. And we'll be up to our asses in nerd shit.
Dr. Donna Burke: Just what the hell are you guys running here, a gd zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your gd office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your gd teachers. Mr. Rubell, what the hell do you call that?
Roger Rubell: Monday.
Peter: I suggest you take two aspirin and go right to bed.
Alison: With whom?
Victor Frankenstein: People are weird.
Vera: You've got about as much style as a bowl of turnips.
Officer O'Clancy: No way, you're wasting your time.
Cigar Face: That's where you're wrong. YOU'RE wasting our time. And now we're gonna waste you.
Joe Wade: Sooner or later there's gonna be too much rain, or too much drought, or too much corn... I can wait.
Capitaine Phillippe D'Arnot: This is not the world John. Just the edge of it.
A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: What are you trying to hide?.. You saw it. You saw the monster.
Wilson: Is that what you're going to tell the papers? That you're afraid of monsters?
A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: That's exactly what I'm gonna tell them if you don't fill me in.
Nick De Angelo: Don't make this a personal thing, Colin.
Colin Gilchrist Fisher: But it is personal. Isn't it?
Walt: We live in the suburbs, but I've got my business in town.
Travis: Oh yeah? What's your business?
Walt: I make billboard signs for advertising.
Travis: Oh yeah? So you're the one who makes those signs, I love those. Some of them are beautiful.
Walt: I'm not the only one who makes them, Trav.
Bernice: What you want for dinner?
Odell: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can cook?
Bernice: Well, in that case, where are you taking me?
Odell: Yeah, what do you want to have?
Bernice: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can afford?
Ruby Engels: What happened to you Mr. Tyler? How did you become someone so... dangerous?
Ham Tyler: You make it back safely and I'll tell you the story of my life.
Ruby Engels: I have a hunch that's worth coming back for.
Strip-Bar Exhorter: And remember, gentlemen, we're always here, two to two, A.M. to P.M., three hundred and sixty-four days and Christmas, God willing and the creek don't rise.
Ninfa, Whore at Marguerita's: I am the best French kisser in Chile Verde.
Abel Wood: If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure to let him know.