Jack Byrnes: We use the Ferber method.
Bernie Focker: We use the Focker method. We hugged and kissed that little boy like there was no tomorrow. We Fockerized him.
Count Olaf: I must say, you're a gloomy looking bunch. Why are you so glum?
Klaus Baudelaire: Our parents just died.
Count Olaf: [nonchalantly.] Ah, yes. How very dreadful. Wait, let me do that one more time. Give me the line again while it's fresh in my mind.
Klaus Baudelaire: Our parents just died?
[Olaf pretends to be shocked.].
Paul Rusesabagina: There will be no rescue, no intervention for us. We can only save ourselves. Many of you know influential people abroad, you must call these people. You must tell them what will happen to us... say goodbye. When you say goodbye, say it as if you are reaching through the phone and holding their hand. Let them know that if they let go of that hand, you will die. We must shame them into sending help.
Anna: I've met somebody who seems to be Sean... I really hoped that he was Sean. I wanted him to be Sean. But I knew he wasn't... The thing is, I'm falling in love with Sean again. That's what's happening. I need you to tell him to go away. Because I can't do it.
Reuben Feffer: Ahh... rat in the house.
Polly Prince: That's not a rat, that's my ferret.
Neuter Grandmother on Bus: I seen you, Sylvia Stickles, showing your pubic patch to the bus driver. You should move downtown where you belong, you whore.
Alex: Love makes you do crazy things, insane things, things in a million years you never thought you'd see yourself do. There you are doing it... can't help it.
Angelica: Rosalee, when great love is rejected something inside a man dies.
Tommy Johnson: What else are you gonna do on a Saturday? Sit in your fuckin' armchair wankin' off to Pop Idols? Then try and avoid your wife's gaze as you struggle to come to terms with your sexless marriage? Then go and spunk your wages on kebabs, fruit machines and brasses? Fuck that for a laugh! I know what I'd rather do. Tottenham away, love it.
Madam Suliman: It's time to put an end to this idiotic war.
Nate Johnson: Nikki, this better be FTD, cuz this Russian tail is old enough to be yo' grandaddy.
Nikki Johnson: Not mom's big daddy.
Buck: Say, girls... got milk?
Neil: You called me your fucking... angel.
The Duke: Don't you fucking talk to me like I'm some kind of mug. Don't you fucking talk to me like that.
XXXX: Duke, don't take this personally. It's business. Now, you want to know how much these pills are worth?
The Duke: Yes. Fucking. Please.
XXXX: Now just because you pay a fiver a pop down the local cattle market, don't, for fuck's sake, think these pills are worth millions. They're not. We've got to find someone to buy these pills and they've got to split them into parcels, of say 100,000. They've got to find these people. It's hard work.
The Duke: Oh, you'd give a fucking aspirin a headache pal.
Alan Tracy: Hey, Dad. That stuff the Hood said, about you leaving him to die. He was lying, right?
Jeff Tracy: No. See, you can't save everyone, Alan. It doesn't matter how hard you try or how brave you are. It doesn't even matter if it's someone you love, someone you'd give your life in a second to save. You just can't save everyone.
Alan Tracy: What was Mom like?
Jeff Tracy: She was a lot like you.
Alfred Kinsey: Everybody's sin is nobody's sin, and everybody's crime is no crime at all.
Sykes: Who's your Puff Daddy? Who takes care of you, huh?