Norville: You know, for kids.
Maurice L. Pogue: It's so nice seeing all your faces here: John and Susan and Mary and Fred and Ethel, Little Ricky.
Frank Wheeler: Which brings us to... intercourse! Can I have a volunteer?
Terry McKay: I guess I'm happy when I don't want to be anywhere else but where I am.
Jack Hammond: That's the question on the minds of all your viewers? Whether I run out of gas or not? Tell you what, Jer. You let your viewers know that I hope Miss Voss' fear and my desperation are entertainment enough for them. After all, that is what this is all about, isn't it? The story. As it breaks. Live. Coming to you from the bad guy himself. I mean we wouldn't want your viewers to change the fucking channel, now, would we?
John Slade: The name's Slade.
Julian Rogers: Super. Here's an idea. Why don't you spell it out for me so I can get it right on your tombstone.
Molly: My daddy doesn't think she's in heaven.
Corrina Washington: Well, that's probably just because your daddy is so jealous of the angels. He's so jealous, he can't even stand to think about those angels who get to play with your mommy all day long. And he's hurting just like you're hurting, and you're going to hurt for a long time. Every day it'll get a little better, but you'll always miss your mommy, and that's okay.
Senior in restaurant #1: If you have job, you wear the pants.
Georgie Weiss: Why would Lugosi wanna do a sex-change flick?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Because he's my friend.
Doug Chesnic: Don't you see? If he is involved, then her life is worthless, you understand? They had to fucking kill her.
Bailiff: All Rise.
Judge Marcus: To hell with that, let's go.
Capt. Jason Briggs: Is there a problem with your privates, Private?
Yvonne Biasi: Who wants ice cream on their pie? Who wants pie?
Dr. Alex Hesse: My body. My choice.
Heather: Barry, I saw you, you were kissing her.
Barry: Once, I kissed her once! God, it's like I can't talk to my friends anymore, I can't believe how posessive you are.
Heather: Oh right, I guess that's why you were feeling her up?
Barry: Look, guys need sex. It's bad for you if you get all worked up and then not get it, you can get "prostrate" cancer. Is that what you want?
Red Bean's Mother: You ate my chicken ass, now I'm going to eat your ass.
Herbert Cadbury: Excuse me, sir. It's a telephone call, from the President.
Richard Rich Sr.: Which country?
Herbert Cadbury: This one, sir.
Richard Rich Sr.: Probably needs another loan.
Carl: You know Ray, since your kid's moved in, the food's gotten better.
Eva: EW! I am so not letting you eat lizards! From now on you are on a strict "no-yuck" diet.