Nora: I say do it. I don't care what, just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me, talk hard.
Junior: Why does this guy love me? Why does any parent love any kid? Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know, like how high is up? Why is the sky blue? And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?
Carl Stark: Help me.
Burt Simpson: You got to be kidding.
Violet Kray: I don't think it's possible to love someone too much but I think you can love them in the wrong way.
Judy: Come on, I wanna know how you two met.
Nora: I picked him up in a bar. How's that?
Max: I was drunk, and she was drunk, and I liked her looks so I convinced her to let me bring her home, and I seduced her on the sofa bed, and it was magic, and I keep coming back for more.
Genie: Hey, Pop! Give me a five! Get down! Get back! Get real! Get a haircut.
Mason Storm: So, how come you're not watching the Oscars tonight?
Counterman: The Oscars?
Mason Storm: Yeah, the Oscars.
Counterman: I hate the Oscars.
Mason Storm: You're not having a good time, huh?
Counterman: I mean, who needs the goddamn movies anyway? I got a show in here every single night.
Mason Storm: Yeah?
Counterman: You've got horror, sex, freaks, violence. I don't got to pay no four bucks either.
Father Dyer: May the schwartz be with you.
Grand High Witch: This stinking little carbuncle has had five hundred doses! Aha, we are having Instantaneous action.
Jackie Flannery: They don't even want to call it "Hell's Kitchen" no more. Renamed it "Clinton." Sounds like a fucking steamboat.
Sunny von Bülow: I'm thinking of redecorating this whole fucking house.
Eddie Farrell: As Pericles said to the Athenians, "Where do I drain the lizard?"
Miss Bianca: Come on, darling. Let's get a move out.
Billy Covington: I don't wanna crash twice in one day.
Gene Ryack: Don't worry, I crash better that anyone I know.
Nina: My Feet will want to march to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living.
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
Richard Rascal Moore: Oh God, Virg, if I have to hear one more word about that stupid restaurant.
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: It's not stupid! At least I've got a plan! What are you gonna do after the war, huh?
Richard Rascal Moore: Come to your restaurant and rob it.
Ernest P. Worrell: Did you hear the one about the three legged dog that walked into a bar and said, "I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw."
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.