Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
Michael: [At the wake.] Great tradition! They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come!
Louis Winthorpe III: He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.
Emma Horton: Some people say Des Moines is the best city in Iowa.
Jack Butler: Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't."
Sonny Paluso: You think Wes is God, don't you.
Donald Quinelle: No, not God, Just an ordinary man. Maybe a little ahead of his time, but just an ordinary man.
Sonny Paluso: Wes is an asshole.
Donald Quinelle: Blasphemy! Oh, you'll smoke a turd in hell for that.
Townsman: I thought all this money would make me feel different.
Harvey "Blind" Pew: It sounded as though there was a bit of a squabble.
Moon: Squabble? They're all dead.
Harvey "Blind" Pew: Oh! Must have been more of a tiff then.
Joel Goodson: Looks like the University of Illinois.
Ross Webster: Congratulations, Gus, old buddy. You're going to go down in history as the man who killed Superman.
Dr. Frank Bryant: Found a culture, have you Rita? Found a better song to sing? No, you found a different song to sing, and on your lips it's shrill and hollow and tuneless.
Man in Bar: Come on, damnit, we wanna hear a cluck.
Stroker Ace: Who gives a cluck?
Clifford Skridlow: Nothing can destroy the Doctor.
Randy: That techno-rock you guys listen to is gutless.
Little Enos: I'd like to kick your ass.
Buford T. Justice: You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.
Q: Welcome back, Mr. Bond. I trust there will be lots of gratuitous sex and violence occurring.
Gertrude: We'll always have our memories. The Colonel's dead. Here we are still enjoying his chicken.
Captain Chi: Who is laughing like that?
Jaws: Me, sir.
Captain Chi: Do you know what you're going to do?
Jaws: To laugh one thousand times?
Captain Chi: Police, shoot him dead.
Wendy: Hey waiter! Put shit-face's drink here on Commissioner Gebhart's bill! For piss-sake he's up for re-election next week, you think he needs this shit?