Driver: I envy you.
Tess Finnegan: Your uselessness is epic.
Hater: This is my lesbian sister. Tell them about your softball team, tell them about your team.
Guru Tugginmypudha: Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.
Jonathan Carnahan: I hate mummies. They never play fair.
Frank Martin: Do I look like a man who came half-way across Europe to die on a bridge?
Wendy Leather: So, come on then, what don't I know? Romantic dinner on Monday night?
Terry Leather: Look honey, I'm going to be working some strange hours over the next week or two, so don't ask me what I'm doing because I don't want to lie to you.
The Silent Monk: Learn the form, but seek the formless. Hear the soundless. Learn it all, then forget it all. Learn The Way, then find your own way.
Molly Johnson: All the world's great civilizations have followed the same path. From bondage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy back to bondage. If we are to be the exception to history, then we must break the cycle, for those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Cultist: Hey, Bat, when you're flying, what the city look like from up on high?
Batman: It looks dirty.
Kumar Patel: I've never sucked a dick before. I bet it sucks dick!
Scott Percival: The door closed behind me.
Keith: I had it all figured out, so I cut out early? Who cares? It's probably a good thing. Life sucks, anyway. Then I met you, and it got weird. And you were so amazing. And I.
Natalie: What? What?
Keith: I just wanted a little more time. So all in all, I'd say you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Goodbye, partner.
Nick: If anyone is getting raped in that van, it'll be a guy.
Brandy: Now listen up. Life is the script, Noah. You're the writer of your own life. It's time to take control.
Delaney: What? Han Solo ain't never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!
Bridget Cardigan: We'll think outside the box.
Don Cardigan: Well that's good because we're selling the box and moving into a smaller box.
Livingston: There's no control in life. Wherever you go, wherever you hide, there's risk.