Kim: What's the male version of a prick-tease?
Tom: A twat-tease?
Marni Fliss: If you have baggage, I want to know about it.
Nate Solomon: If? Have you MET me?
Theme: It used to be my mother and my sister and me, a happy little family, and all right with me. When mom got married, that's when everything changed. Some things were lost, and others were gained. A new school, a new house, so many changes it makes my head spin. Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin. This is life with Derek. This is life with Derek. This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George, Nora, Marti, and Casey. This is life with Derek. Livin' life with Derek.
Sister Josepha Montefiore: "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?" Christ asked the same question.
Richard: Did he get an answer?
Sister Josepha Montefiore: Well, he wasn't a scientist so he knew that... some questions have none.
Chef Ramsay: Fuckin' hell, you muppet.
Juniper Lee: You play bass, Dennis. It's a miracle anyone even notices you.
Mike Rowe: I don't see what can possibly go wrong.
Vanessa Dunphy: You're an asshole Mr. Howard. Five minutes from now I won't be yelling but you'll still be an asshole.
Grace Bridges: If Moses had been a woman, leading the Jews out of Egypt, she'd have stopped to ask for directions. They would've found Israel within a week.
Huey Freeman: Vision? What do you know about my vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions, and send the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you. Now ask yourself, Are you ready to see that vision?
Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: You know, here's a discussion: Why is it that we remember the past and not the future?
Charlie Eppes: That's a tough one, Larry.
Joe Dubois: Ever since you made the decision not to go to law school, to go to work for the D.A. as a consultant, I don't know, you seem kinda.
Allison Dubois: Bitchy? Cranky? Pissed off?
Joe Dubois: You can read minds.
Chow-Ping Yen: You have a village?
Abe Wheeler: Americans don't belong to any one place. As soon as they get settled, they get restless for something more.
Mr. Blick: The Kraken ate my tail.
Clay: Orel, love gets in the way of the important things in life. Like going to sleep or being left alone.
Grandpa Max Tennyson: Being a hero isn't about letting others know you did the right thing, it's about you knowing you did the right thing.
Ben Tennyson: What were you just doing, reading greeting cards back at the Mega Mart?
Grandpa Max Tennyson: Well... yes.