Truly Scrumptious: Well, Mr. Potts!
Caractacus Pott: What's wrong?
Truly Scrumptious: Now you'll have to marry me!
Oscar Madison: I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar.
Frank Beardsley: I don't quite understand. Am I being stupid?
Helen North: No, you're being a man. Which is sometimes the same thing.
Elizabeth: Spiders don't eat other spiders.
Virginia: Cannibal spiders do.
Paul: Let's show him our motor.
John: Steady on! I mean, you don't want to be showing your motor to just anybody.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: It's good to have a laugh.
Joe Bass: If God ever made two greater inventions than a pretty woman and a bottle of whiskey, I ain't heard of it.
Gerald Hardcastle: Well, Ted, you can take it from me that in the entire history of this world no man never yet had any pleasure out of a woman without having to pay it for.